To Bribe Or Not to Bribe

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Podcast

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About This Episode

While giving kids tokens like stickers works especially well when they are young, we’d like them to be motivated by more than a shiny star. Plus, it can be a bit taxing and demanding for a parent to consistently be on the alert for rewardable good behavior. When they are motivated on their own accord, it’s less work for you as a parent. One agent that motivates kids (and adults alike) is feeling autonomous. Meaning that they have a sense of agency, that they are recognized, that they are valued, that their choices and opinions matter.

People On This Episode

Alicia La Hoz

Dr. Alicia La Hoz
Resident Expert

Omar Ramos

Omar Ramos
Host

Family Bridges

Veronica Avila
Host

Family Bridges

Victoria Garcia
Special Guest

This Week's Action

Step One: Choose a habit you would like your child to work on

Step Two: Practice giving them 2-3 choices when asking them to do these things.

Examples:

Habit 1: Organize school supplies

  • Decorate boxes for school supplies with materials of their choosing
  • Give them a couple of choices of times when to work on this (i.e., after school on Wednesday, Saturday morning)

Habit 2: Clean room

  • Choose what to clean first; Pick up toys first or put the Legos away first
  • Pick a time; they can clean their room on the weekend or in the morning before heading out to school or in the evening after dinner. 

Habit 3: Have limited use of technology 

  • Choose between watching 30 min of favorite show OR 30 minutes of playing on the Tablet
  • Play video games for x minutes OR watch favorite movie

Tools to help you:

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Family Bridges:

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The Struggle is Real:

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The Hamburger

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Podcast

Dig Deeper

About This Episode

When you’d like your children/adolescents to learn a new habit or skill and they resist it is usually because they don’t know how or are not developmentally able to, don’t have any desire to do so, or get distracted or overwhelmed.  When they resist, ask yourself three questions.  You can remember the questions by thinking about it as a hamburger.

Top bun: Can my child do the task required of him?

Meat: Does my child want to do this task? Why or why not?

Bottom bun: What does my child have to do in order to succeed in this task?

People On This Episode

Alicia La Hoz

Dr. Alicia La Hoz
Resident Expert

Omar Ramos

Omar Ramos
Host

Family Bridges

Veronica Avila
Host

Marvin Del Rios

Marvin Del Rios
Special Guest

This Week's Action

  • Think of a new positive habit you would like your child to learn. For example, eat more vegetables, make their bed every day, say “please” and “thank you” with every request, or any other skill you would like them to develop.
  • Over the next few days, use the Hamburger Method to practice this habit with your child. We’ll check in with you on Friday to see how it’s going.

Tools

More Resources

Family Bridges:

App

Get more resources and tools by downloading our app.

The Struggle is Real:

Book

Learn how to turn the struggle into a success.

Choosing a Career

Choosing a Career

Contributed by
Eva Fleming

My nephew loves reading and by age 20 he had read a huge portion of the top recommended books in the U.S., having read a book a week for two years. So it came as no surprise when he announced that he was going to college to become an English professor.

This means that he will pursue a master’s degree once he completes his bachelor degree. His mother was so in tune with her son’s interests that she even said that she would not pay for a single college credit if he chose to pursue a career that did not align with his interests, like accounting.

My daughter, on the other hand, is an artist. She has always loved the arts, sculpture, painting and music, so when she announced she was going to the Art Institute to pursue technical training in Graphic Design, no one batted an eye.

My nieces and nephews have been fortunate because they know their strengths and with the support of their family they have been encouraged to pursue careers that are a good fit for them based on their strengths, values, personality and skills, not social status or social norms.

Choosing a career is one of the most important decisions an individual will make in his or her lifetime. We encourage parents to put aside their own ambition and encourage their children to pursue careers that fit their talents and passion.

The right kind of work provides us with an inner creative joy that no amount of leisure activities can replace. Dullness and boredom can turn work into a burden if we are not interested in what we do. Work can give us a sense of purpose and a channel for our passion.

This is why choosing a career requires some forethought. In order to choose well, you must first know yourself well. You need to get in touch with your strengths, values, personality and skills. Armed with that knowledge, you can then decide if a four-year college education or technical training will help you best embrace your life’s purpose.

Once you assess your likes and dislikes you can consider your options based on your interests. As you narrow down your choices, consider the impact your career choice will have on your life. Ask yourself, what is the financial impact of my career choice, what is the relational impact, and am I willing to live with those consequences?

Following a career path that suits you will enrich your spirit. The ancient proverb says, “the soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” So be diligent, be purposeful, and choose wisely.

For more resources on personal and professional development,  you can follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges.

How to be a Better Communicator

How to be a Better Communicator

Contributed by
Bill Ferrell

The number one complaint of communication breakdowns is NOT “he wasn’t clear”, or “she was kind of fuzzy, or “they didn’t give enough information.”

It is: “He/She doesn’t listen.”

Most of us suck when it comes to listening. This is no surprise. We spend years in school learning to read, write, and speak. There are seminars and workshops on how to construct and deliver effective talks. We have conferences devoted to giving TED Talks. But when was the last time you heard of a class on listening? (These are more common in counseling degrees, though).

We have been taught that communication is primarily about getting our point of view across to someone else. And yet, when it comes to relationships – whether with loved ones or in a work environment – listening is the most important of all relational skills.

To be a great listener you must develop EMPATHY. You probably recognize the word and maybe even know the definition of what it means: the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions. But – and here is the BIG BUT – do you practice it?

In his book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says, “We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we are – or as we have been conditioned to be.” We assume that we see and experience the world from an objective unbiased perspective. Therefore, all we need to do is to communicate “the truth” (the facts as we see them) and any reasonable person will agree with us. Yeah – how is that working for you? (It doesn’t).

In order to be a great communicator, we must first seek to understand before attempting to be understood. This is counter-intuitive. That’s because our natural “intuition” is to be self-centered. We naturally believe that the world is about us. It’s the bent we are born with. That means we have to work at understanding someone else’s world.

As you work to listen and truly understand someone else’s heart it legitimize their reality. And when that happens, you create a pathway for them to consider your perspective. However, seeking to understand another’s world isn’t necessarily about agreeing with them. Don’t be confused about that. Empathy is the willingness to abandon your own perspective and step into their shoes. This takes an “other-centeredness” and humility.

The Bible describes this is what Jesus did. Even though he was God, he chose to humble himself and identify with us (i.e. become a man, Phil. 2:3-7). He did this out of love and was the ultimate act of humility.
Knowing God’s love can motivate us to do the hard work of seeking to understand others before being understood. If we do that, we will communicate humility and a love for others.

And that’s a message others will hear!

For more blogs, tips and articles on relationships, follow us on social media as @familybridges