Empathy: What It Is and Why You Need It

Empathy: What It Is and Why You Need It

By
Erika Krull

Think of a time you strongly connected with a friend. You felt their emotion and understood where they were coming from. Your empathy made you feel closer and more in sync as friends.

But empathy is more than just intense feelings. It’s the emotional glue that holds our society together. Empathy allows you to live and work with other people. You volunteer your time and encourage your coworkers. These experiences are all driven by empathy.

You probably use empathy each day more often than you realize. Take a closer look at what empathy is, the three main types, and some of the many benefits in your everyday life.

What is empathy?

Empathy is taking someone else’s viewpoint and understanding their feelings. You try to feel as they feel, see the world through their eyes. As you empathize with someone, you are compassionate and caring.

When you can put yourself in another person’s shoes, empathy can be a moving experience. Imagine seeing a person who’s feeling physical pain. A pinched face, a look of anguish, and an outward cry are all clues. Something hurts terribly, and it’s not getting better. You might react by flinching, pinching your mouth, and remembering a time you were recently hurt. Each part of your reaction helps you identify with that person’s pain right away.

Most people think of empathy as a single emotional reaction. But experts have broken it down into two emotions, tenderness and sympathy.

  • Tenderness – When you sense that another person has no specific need but is vulnerable.
    Example: You see Sarah sitting alone on a bench downtown. She looks about 9 or 10 years old, is without an adult, and it’s getting dark out.
  • Sympathy – When you sense that another person is suffering or has a need right now.
    Example: You see Sarah sitting alone on a bench downtown. She looks about 9 or 10 years old and is crying. Her right hand is bleeding, and she’s squeezing it tightly with her left hand.

Three Types of Empathy

There are three main types of empathy. With each type, you sense another person’s needs in a different way, and one type motivates you to take action.

Affective Empathy

Affective empathy is when you can feel and understand another person’s emotions. When someone shares a sad story or gets excited over good news, you sense their emotion and feel it yourself. Politicians and advertisers use affective empathy to sway you. When they stir up your feelings, you connect with their message.

Example: Your neighbor, Jim, talks with you after work about his dog. Jim’s wife just told him their dog had died while they were away at work. You have pets, and you know how you would feel in that situation. Jim’s shaky tone of voice and his frown clearly show his sadness. You understand and feel it with him.

Cognitive Empathy

Cognitive empathy means understanding another person’s viewpoint. You step into their shoes and imagine yourself with their beliefs and thoughts. Rather than sensing a person’s raw emotions, you try to understand their personal experience. Cognitive empathy is a skill and can be helpful when motivating someone or negotiating.

Example: Shane is on his first day of work. He’s not sure how his new job will work out, but he likes his new boss, Jim. Jim is a funny and kind guy, not much older than Shane. He’s been at the job a few years and remembers what it’s like to start fresh. Jim tells Shane he’ll get the hang of it before long and that everyone is happy to help him. Jim notices how nervous Shane looks and encourages him a lot throughout the day.

Empathic Concern

Empathic concern is what drives you to help others. You go beyond sensing their emotions and understanding their perspective. Your empathic concern moves you to volunteer, offer help to a neighbor in need, or donate to a food bank. You support a person by taking action instead of only feeling their emotions with them.

Example: Without warning, Josie gets fired from her job at the end of her shift. She comes home in tears, and her roommate, Maria, asks her what’s happened. Maria senses Josie’s stress building by the minute. Now Maria feels a nervous knot in her stomach, too. She knows she needs to help Josie through this. So, Maria stands up and puts a blanket around Josie’s shoulders. She hugs Josie and makes two cups of tea. Josie calms down and feels a little better.

Benefits of Empathy

Empathy goes beyond understanding someone for just a few moments. It affects the way we get along with others and helps us cooperate when it really matters. Here are just some of the many benefits of being empathetic to others.

Keeping yourself safe

When you read other people’s emotions, you learn to protect yourself from harm. When you see the fear on another person’s face, you can sense danger without having to get close.

Example: A bad thunderstorm rolls in, and Eric steps out to look at the storm clouds. His son, Tim, sees a weather alert on TV showing a possible tornado in the area. After a few minutes, Eric comes running back into the house with a look of shock on his face. Tim knows right away that his dad has seen a funnel cloud, and both head for the basement.

Living and working with other people

Empathy helps you get along with people and share resources. You can put aside your own feelings of discomfort and help others because you know it will matter to them.

Example: Samantha gets up before dawn on the days she works at the hospital. Her husband, Jack, doesn’t need to be up that early for his job, but he gets up with her on these days. He packs Samantha’s lunch and makes breakfast, so she has more time to get ready. Jack could get more sleep and let Samantha take care of herself. But he knows Samantha’s days at the hospital are long, and he wants to make them easier for her.

Positivity and cooperation in your community

Empathic concern motivates you to act in helpful ways. Your positive actions affect everyone you meet and encourage people to cooperate.

Example: Matthew and Lisa live in a small town near a river. Heavy rain begins, and weather alerts warn of possible flooding. As the rains come, Matthew and Lisa check on older neighbors to make sure they are safe during the storm. When floodwaters get close to the main road, Matthew and Lisa spend hours moving heavy sandbags. Many others from their town work together day and night to keep everyone safe.

Empathy – Connecting and Helping

Empathy connects you with people in your family and community. When you understand how empathy works, you can extend it more often to others. Where will you use empathy today?

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How to Love Your Partner at their Worst

How to Love Your Partner at their Worst

Contributed by
Dr. Charlie and Elizabeth Woehr

There is an old Western movie starring Clint Eastwood, titled: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Well, we humans can be like that. In fact, within every person, even you and your partner, there is the potential to at one time or another exhibit actions or attitudes that could be classified as good, bad, and even ugly!

It is easy to love a partner who is showing their good side. It is a bit harder to love a partner who is showing their bad side. It is much, much harder to love a partner who is showing their ugly side—at their worst.

To be able to LOVE your partner when they’re at their worst, you must develop, from the beginning of your relationship, a solid foundation. Here are the four elements you must integrate into that foundation, that will prepare you to LOVE in all kinds of situations:

 

L – Laugh often with your partner. Laughter has been called “the best medicine,” and there is a reason for that. Laughing together means sharing fun times, silly times, creating this way memories that will be the glue for when the tempests of trouble hit your relationship, helping to keep things from collapsing around you.

O – Open your hearts to each other; share your inner thoughts and feelings. Talk about the dreams you each have for your relationship. By opening your hearts to each other you are trusting each other with your deeply valuable thoughts and feelings. Being comfortable with each other is a prerequisite to wanting to support each other in those more difficult moments, when things are not as you would like them to be. If you have learned to open your hearts at times of vulnerability, this will create both a desire and need to get closer to your partner in difficult times, which will counter the natural tendency to move away from each other when things get tough.

V – Value the strengths each of you have and learn to expect those to be brought into play when things are not going so well. Is one of you a forgiving person? That will be brought into play when things are not going well. Is one of you a deep thinker? Value the analysis that will bring to reflection about where things have gone wrong. Your strengths will need to be known and brought to bear in difficult times.

E –  Expect to recover from difficult times you will face. Avoid generalizing by thinking to yourself that this “always” happens, or that this “will last a long time” or that “this will never end.” Rather think of positive outcomes and expect that your partner will react and come around, will ask forgiveness, and seek to restore any painful times caused by their worst moments. Expect that when the years go by these difficult moments will have made your relationship stronger. Expect is really to exercise FAITH: believing in the ultimate healing and restoration that will come, after the valley of pain or misunderstanding.

 

Want to love your partner at their worst? Start loving them at their best and put the L.O.V.E to work for you, as you prepare to weather the most challenging storms that inevitably come on the sea of life as a couple. Down the road of life, as you look back on these difficult times, you’ll be very glad you did!

How have you and your partner gotten through tough times in your relationship? Share with us in the comments area below.

For more tips on life and relationships, follow us on social media @familybridges.

Modeling Empathy: A Conversation About Teaching & Modeling Empathy to Children

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Podcast

Modeling Empathy: A Conversation About Teaching & Modeling Empathy to Children

Dig Deeper

About This Episode

Talking to your kids about poverty and helping others is one thing. Showing them by volunteering, being kind to others and being accepting of other’s differences – that’s a much more powerful teaching tool. Tune in to this week’s podcast to hear first hand how empathy can make a huge difference in your life and the life of your children.

People On This Episode

Alicia La Hoz

Dr. Alicia La Hoz
Resident Expert

Omar Ramos

Omar Ramos
Host

Family Bridges

Veronica Avila
Host

Letticia Martinez

Letticia Martinez
Special Guest

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