To bribe or not to bribe
About This Episode
Rewards just motivate people to get rewards. Bribing needs to escalate to maintain efficacy and will produce an attitude of entitlement. External motivation isn’t entirely bad, but children should be weened off of it once they adopt the desired trait/s. Offering 2-3 options and the ability to choose/take part in tasks whenever possible will increase a child’s internal motivation.
Featuring
Additional Info
RECAP
While giving kids tokens like stickers works especially well when they are young, we’d like them to be motivated by more than a shiny star. Plus, it can be a bit taxing and demanding for a parent to consistently be on the alert for rewardable good behavior. When they are motivated on their own accord, it's less work for you as a parent. One agent that motivates kids (and adults alike) is feeling autonomous. Meaning that they have a sense of agency, that they are recognized, that they are valued, that their choices and opinions matter.
CONVERSATION
Think about a time your opinion or idea was valued or heard as a child or adolescent? How did it feel?”
THIS WEEK'S ACTION
Step One: Choose a habit you would like your child to work on
Step Two: Practice giving them 2-3 choices when asking them to do these things
Examples:
Habit 1: Organize school supplies
- Decorate boxes for school supplies with materials of their choosing
- Give them a couple of choices of times when to work on this (i.e, after school on Wednesday, Saturday morning)
Habit 2: Clean room
- Choose what to clean first; Pick up toys first or put the legos away first
- Pick a time; they can clean their room on the weekend or in the morning before heading out to school or in the evening after dinner
Habit 3: Have limited use of technology
- Choose between watching 30 min of favorite show OR 30 minutes of playing on the Tablet
- Play video games for x minutes OR watch favorite movie
TOOLS
The following tools can help you along the way.
The Struggle is Real podcast is based off the book, The Struggle is Real: Parenting in the 21st Century written by Dr. Alicia La Hoz & Dr. Paul Meier.
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