How do we help during a crisis?
The recent wildfires in LA have ignited a storm of deep sorrow and devastation, leaving many to navigate the heavy burden of collective trauma. Not long ago, we faced a similar ordeal with hurricanes ravaging western North Carolina.
In times of adversity, whether faced alone or as a community, the very core of our beliefs is put to the test. It disrupts the pillars of security, predictability, and control that we often take for granted.
As we witness these events unfold, we are compelled to ask ourselves:
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How can we truly make an impact?
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How can we reach out and support our loved ones whose lives, livelihoods, and neighborhoods have been utterly transformed?
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How do we start to grasp the depth of such overwhelming loss?
In the hours, days, or even weeks following events like these, people can find themselves incredibly vulnerable. We must also be mindful of the possibility of enduring impacts that could linger long after the initial crisis has passed.
The journey through these difficult times varies for each person and greatly depends on the support they receive. Some may find themselves spiraling into depression, mental health struggles, or destructive behaviors. Decisions made in the immediate aftermath of trauma, when clarity is elusive, can have enduring negative consequences for them and their loved ones.
First aid responders assess needs and offer essential care, providing crucial support during crises. This compassionate presence helps ease distress after traumatic events.
Even without first aid training, your words and actions can make a significant impact. By standing with others during critical times, you can help stabilize, instill hope, and guide them through challenges, which can even help prevent harmful decisions and patterns.
How do we instinctively react when faced with a crisis?
Picture a world where your inner balance is suddenly disrupted. It's as if your internal compass has lost its bearings, leaving you feeling adrift and unlike your usual self. The trusted methods you use to stay calm and composed have failed, leaving you struggling with anxiety and a noticeable dip in your daily performance. This is the heart of a psychological crisis.
In the blink of an eye, our instincts kick in. You may have heard of the fight, flight, or freeze response. This response is hardwired into all mammals, not just humans.
In the animal kingdom, survival instincts dictate whether creatures fight, flee, or freeze. Predators like lions and bears fight, prey like deer run, and creatures like possums freeze. Humans can exhibit any of these responses, and understanding them is key to navigating tough times.
During a physiological shock, a mental state where the fight, flight, or freeze response can take over, sometimes causing a complete shutdown of the thinking part of the brain. Individuals may appear absent, their emotions numbed, unable to process the situation. In those initial moments, their reaction might be no reaction at all—a clear indicator of a psychological crisis. They might withdraw, unable to make eye contact or respond to simple questions. You might find individuals so overwhelmed that even answering very basic questions becomes an insurmountable task.
What is post-traumatic stress?
You may have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but there is also post-traumatic stress. Post-traumatic stress is a natural response following a significant event. It's normal for feelings of despair, sadness, grief, and even anger to linger for a while. After a crisis, individuals may struggle with basic responses and feel disoriented. This confusion, linked to the brain's frontal lobe, can distort their sense of time and surroundings. It's normal and not necessarily indicative of a traumatic injury. In high-stress moments, people might act irrationally, highlighting the need for safety measures. Such behavior signals intense emotional distress, often accompanied by anxiety and agitation.
However, if these feelings persist beyond 30 days, it might be time to consider the possibility of PTSD. This is when stress extends beyond its usual course, potentially hindering recovery. In such cases, seeking the expertise of a mental health professional is crucial.
Let's explore how you can be a vital support for those experiencing intense stress.
1. Pause for a moment.
Whether you have an hour, ten minutes, or just a single minute, use that time to pray and center yourself. Seek the peace that surpasses understanding, asking for protection over your heart and mind. This will equip you with a calm, non-anxious presence to offer others. Emotions are contagious. Cultivate that serene presence and connect with others where they are, meeting them in their moment of need.
Imagine facing what feels like one of the most challenging moments of your life. It's crucial to let them know you truly understand both their words and emotions. We must approach these situations with genuine love and compassion, even when it feels difficult. Sometimes, we might struggle to find that compassion for someone, and that's when it's important to step back. If you're not feeling that care and empathy, you might not be able to provide the support they need. It's okay to recognize when it's time for someone else to step in. Life's circumstances, like personal illness or trauma, can affect our ability to be there for others. It's essential to be self-aware and responsible enough to acknowledge when you can't offer the support they need.
2. Be present.
Be present, warm, and accepting. Create a judgment-free space for open expression. Listen actively and connect genuinely. Offer your full attention, avoiding distractions. Embrace discomfort and focus on their needs. Recognize when to step back, understanding your presence is most powerful when truly wanted. Embrace the power of presence, listen with compassion, and extend kindness.
3. Meet people where they are.
In times of crisis, we often hear about the concept of "psychological alignment." While it might sound complex, it's simply about meeting people where they are emotionally. It's crucial not to expect them to change their feelings or words. Instead, embrace their emotions without judgment. Avoid trying to convince them to feel differently or dismiss their experiences with phrases like "it could be worse," or even things like "all things work out for the good." Such statements can inadvertently invalidate their feelings. Instead, acknowledge their emotions as valid and real, fostering a genuine connection and understanding. Active listening means hearing what they say and then letting them know that you heard them by saying things like, "I hear that you're angry," or "I am so sorry you have had all this happen to you."
4. Address basic needs.
In vulnerable times, we must protect those unable to safeguard themselves, ensuring their basic needs—food, water, and shelter—are met. It's vital to consider the well-being of their dependents too. Decision-making can be impaired, so prioritizing safety and security is essential. Even after danger passes, the sense of safety may not immediately return.
5. Help them connect to safety.
Picture the impact of simply asking, "How secure do you feel at this moment?"
This simple question can open the door to a realm of life-changing opportunities.
Whether it's guiding someone to a safer haven, offering a warm meal or drink, or connecting them with a supportive network of trusted clergy, family, or friends, these actions can significantly bolster their sense of security. We have the chance to be that comforting presence, providing an emotional refuge where they can express themselves openly, free from judgment. By doing so, we empower them to navigate their crisis with assurance and compassion.
In moments of crisis, the power of peace and presence can be transformative. Ask them:
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What would make you feel safer?
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Who brings you comfort?
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Where do you find solace?
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When do you feel most secure?
Even if you can't physically connect them with that person, a simple photo can work wonders. If they have access to their phone or social media accounts with pictures of loved ones, encourage them to look at a picture of a loved one—a child, grandchild, grandmother, or even a cherished pet. If you have memories with them, sending these pictures and memories to them can be reassuring. This small act can transport them to a place of safety and warmth. Encourage them to close their eyes and imagine being in that sanctuary, the safest place in their world. These gestures can be incredibly comforting.
6. Encourage sleep.
Talk to people about their sleep quality. Encourage them to explore ways to achieve more restful sleep, as the brain heals from traumatic stress during REM sleep. Without proper rest, those symptoms may persist. It's common for them to experience recurring nightmares or thoughts replaying in their mind—this is entirely normal. Engaging in conversation about these experiences can be beneficial, as it helps the brain piece together the puzzle. Encouraging them to share their story might offer some relief.
7. Medical conditions.
In moments of crisis, it's crucial to recognize when physical symptoms may signal a medical emergency. Prioritize a thorough assessment by a healthcare professional. For those with preexisting health conditions, trauma can intensify their symptoms. Engage with them and their loved ones to identify any medical concerns that might be aggravated by the psychological stress they're facing.
8. Resistance to help.
If people show resistance, it's crucial not to push. Focus on the immediate concerns that matter most to them. Sometimes, deeper issues arise after a crisis or significant loss, leading to cumulative challenges. In these moments, it's essential to break down the situation into manageable actions. Ask them things like, "What can you do right now? What's a small step you can take?"
9. Avoid trying to fix the unfixable.
Not everything can be fixed. If someone has lost a loved one, you can't change that reality. Your presence and comfort in their sorrow are what you can offer. It's vital to respect their boundaries and focus on what they are willing to let you help with. Their needs and desires are paramount. Sometimes, all you can do is be present, listen, and show understanding and compassion.
Often, people just need their pain acknowledged. They need to hear, "That was a terrible experience, and I'm so sorry. This must be incredibly hard." You don't have to take away their pain or fix it.
10. Finding meaning.
Understanding and making sense of life's events is essential for both daily social interactions and adapting to traumatic experiences. Research highlights that those enduring acute stress often embark on a journey to find meaning in the chaos. This quest is driven by the disruption of core beliefs about oneself and the world. A study post-9/11 revealed that individuals who focused on uncovering positive outcomes and sought support from others were more successful in finding meaning.
Embracing the purpose of adversity and valuing supportive relationships are common ways people derive meaning from trauma. Therefore, those who actively seek positive aspects and practical help are more likely to discover a deeper sense of purpose.
We all strive for resilience, to recover after setbacks or defeats. Traumatic events and crises are setbacks, and resilience determines how well we recover from them. Our psychological resilience is influenced by various factors, but fundamentally, we are designed to heal from trauma and crises. Our bodies are remarkably capable of healing. Remind people of this and be there for them.
Your presence is invaluable. Being there for them is the first crucial step in guiding them through this challenging time.
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